"For it isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it." -Eleanor Rooselvelt

Basically this post is to express my support of everyone out there who gets harrassed and oppressed because of who they are. Hopefully some day our world can accept everyone for who they are, no exceptions. Regardless of color, race, faith, sexual orientation, personality, hair color,type of underwear you sport... who knows what else people will find to judge and set others apart.... anything that makes us unique.

My hope is that this little baby growing inside me will be part of a generation that is instrumental in changing the world views of humans and our "differences".

Turning a New Leaf..

Preparing to bring this baby into the world has definitely left me some things to think about, and has jump started some changes that needed to be done for myself...that I had just never made the time to look at, or work, on before.

At 14 weeks I started going to a Taoist master for acupuncture weekly, really for a healthy pregnancy, healthy momma, healthy baby routine. One of the biggest things she has emphasized in the few weeks I have been seeing her is that I think too much, "No need to worry so much" she always says. How she knew I think non-stop all the time..I don't know..Lol, but I have been working on it. The biggest reason why is because every time I go she says something along the lines of you've got a whole lifetime in you right now,implying to love and take care of myself and that will take care of the lifetime I have inside. NO PRESSURE right?!?

So, the point of all this pointless information is really to share that I'm changing for the better, for good this time.(Hopefully) Turning over a new leaf, to treating myself awesomely...why do I know it will stick this time? Well..I don't, but I'm pretty dang motivated this time(since I have a whole lifetime to take care of for the next 7 months or 30 years or so..) Ultimately, the change will come from within, and baby will help give me that strength. It's not easy to change 23 years of thinking and not always treating myself with the respect deserved..but I can do it. During the car ride after an exceptionally brutal day at work, I had a revelation. My co-worker on the phone, was stressed and needed to (for lack of better word) blame someone...so I was the target. This time it was someone else blaming me, not myself, and I was so upset...then it dawned on me! I do that to myself all the time! Why doesn't it piss me off then?!? Interesting, so I remembered a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt. " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". That includes myself..SO I officially hereby announce that I withdraw my consent for the feeling of inferiority in my life, from myself or anybody else. So far, so good...and it feels good.

Some other good quotes I found, and want to share. Enjoy!

• "My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet." - Mahatma Gandhi
  

• "Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt.

Renewed

Well, I seem to have been in hibernation. So many changes happening in life, all at once..its been a whirlwind. A tumultuous adventure well worth the ride, even with the blood, sweat, and tears poured into it along the way.

The changes have been many! In May I married my best friend, and the love of my life. I am so blessed to have found such a man who loves and cherishes me as much as he does. We had a perfect wedding day...and we are living happily ever after!

After returning from our honeymoon ( a 'staycation' on the island) I returned to work as a full time employee!

In July, we found out there is going to be a new addition to the family come April 2011! "Baby Goods" as they are lovingly called will join us on earth sometime early April. We are over joyed and are ready to take this next big jump together into parenthood. With my man at my side, I know this baby will be loved beyond measure...and love is the most important ingredient.

Baby's first picture. Taken at 9 weeks; one happy, healthy baby!

Life is good...

One Random Act of Kindness

Last night Scott and I watched Evan Almighty. The not-so-new movie where Morgan Freeman plays God and asks Steve Carrell (Evan Baxter) to build an ark, a spin-off of Bruce Almighty. I know it is supposed to be a comedy, but I found myself being reminded of good life lessons.

There is a scene where Freeman is talking to 'Evan's Wife' about prayer, he says something along the lines of:

"When people ask for patience, does God give them patience..or opportunities for patience. When people pray for courage, does God give them courage...or the opportunities for courage..."

I really liked this, because it's so true. In our lives today we always seem to want the easy fix, the 'ask and you shall recieve'...in a you get what you ask for manner. Not so much, most of the time when it comes to life.

So, I am going to try and continue to make the most out of every opportunity each and every day, and to turn those opportunities into ones that lend themselves to acts of random kindness. As they said in Evan Almighty...It is the acts of random kindness that change the world, a little bit at a time. A wonderful outlook on life and a much less daunting way to embrace "Be the change you wish to see in the world" (-Gandhi).

Wake Up Call

February 27, 2010 sirens alarm at 0600 & 0700. (I was not so happy about this, as I went to bed around 0200, however...it is a good thing) Scott and I decide to go inland to UH (stores all over Waikiki are either closed or have massive lines winding around the block, just to get in) So, inland we went, with our important papers...


We found an Internet cafe that served breakfast, YAY Coffee! We were both exhausted, and had to go sleep somewhere. I decided to call the house Hospice Hawaii uses for patient care up in Palolo. The nurse answers the phone, and I don't even ask if we can come up..When she hears its me she says come up. I love my job and the people I work with...it is the most amazing organization and works with the heart, manifested in the hands. I couldn't ask for a better work place.


We arrived at the house and spent time watching the news and attempting to sleep on the couch in the staff room. (I couldn't sleep, just toss-n-turn)We watched as Hilo Bay's(on the east coast of the big island) waters surged to and fro...waiting to see if disaster would hit...

Needless to say...the 'disaster' was avoided and the only changes seen were severe and rapid surge changes along the shore lines, no damage seen. Luckily..

However, on my way home from work I saw the most beautiful sky. Similar to the one pictured above. Brilliantly vibrant purple and blue clouds on a back drop of reds, pinks, and oranges. Beautiful...a calm after the 'storm' of a day I had. It reminded me that I am still lucky to live here, on this beautiful island and that I can make it through the challenges along the way. No matter what, there is always a beautiful sunset at the end of the day.

Much thanks and blessings to all of those who sent thoughts and prayers my way yesterday.

Do it Anyway...

"If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives:

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies:

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you:

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight:

Build it anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous:

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow:

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough:

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God:

It was never between you and them anyway."

-Mother Teresa

This poem by Mother Teresa has always inspired me, and pushed me to be a better person. As I reflect on my past week, I have decided to "re-oath" this as my life's motto. Now complete with a theme song (posted below, WONDERFUL Music Video) Of course I cried, but that is no surprise. :D

YouTube - Martina McBride - Anyway

My week was a learning experience. Cried a little, stressed a bit, learned a lot, but most importantly loved and enjoyed it all! From surfing to sea turtles to work to snuggles. I am blessed.

Ash Wednesday...

Well folks, today marks the start of Lent. A time I usually spend reflecting on where I am in life and where I want to be. A Lenten devotional I have received is phrasing it as "Letting go and Holding On". I really like that topic, especially after the big move to Hawaii.

Since the move I find myself letting go of some doubts and fears and blossoming into a woman I can be proud of. I am letting go of being in control (for the most part) and learning to go with the flow. (Turns out its a much easier thing to do, as opposed to constantly fighting the currents).

Since the move I have also found myself holding on (and reaching out) to friends and family back on the mainland. Distance has taught me that time is precious, and I have loved catching up (and staying current) with friends both near and far. A goal is to continue doing this for the rest of my life. (I mean who doesn't like letters?!?)

So, 6 months after the big move (I know! It's already been 6 months, can't believe it) everything has fallen into place. Like a 10000 piece puzzle; extremely difficult at first but as the picture forms it gets easier and easier, until every piece has its place... Lent brings to mind the concept of letting go and holding on this year. That topic fits me perfect, can't wait to see what else life has in store.

Counting my Blessings

This week has been absolutely wonderful! Started out with my family still being in town. That break from work was wonderful, and it was fantastic to see them again. Next, work. Work is just amazing! I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of it...after an attempt at a shift by myself last Friday it was nice to work along side of a mentor on a nice day, just as a reminder on what I want out of nursing. (and how rewarding it is, when you are not stressing about patients, their pain, and an admission) I can't believe how lucky I am to have found such a job as a hospice nurse. It fits me like a glove and the people and company are everything I could hope for. Lastly, spending time with my baby. We went to the beach today, relaxed in the sun, and drank in each others' company. Now that I started working we don't get to do that as often. It was a perfect ending to the perfect week. (plus, tried out boogie boarding...killer waves this week...totally going surfing tomorrow..but boogie boarding was totally awesome!) I try out my first night shift tomorrow night..hopefully all goes well! Life is good...

Slice of Heaven

My lovely family came to visit, for a few days, to escape the snowy Utah winters. It was so..so..so wonderful to see them again. Lounging on the beach, snorkeling, scooting around town with the family was just what the doctor ordered. It was a relaxing slice of heaven in my already blissful paradise. Below are some highlights from the mini vacation. Enjoy! :D

Me and my Daddy! Good Morning beach and coffee :D


The fave snorkel spot, yep...we went every day. Love it!Me and my Momma! Bathing beauties...while the boys are snorkeling of course ;DAt the Honolulu Zoo, eating my dippin' dots. I LOVE Dippin' Dots, they are the best. My Daddy bought me some...I love my daddy :D (and not just because he bought me dippin' dots)
My hunny and me at the Zoo. Super close to a giraffe eating off of the grassy hill. AWESOME! I had never been that close to a giraffe, my favorite animal, so I loved it.
My momma and daddy during the hike of Diamond Head! The cute couple made it in record time, even with 100 stairs! :D The view from the top was worth it, totally saw some whales! :D Breath-taking...Fishes! This time at the Waikiki Aquarium, and not the ocean...but cool none the less. :D I love aquariums, and this nice little aquarium is all about conservation. Save the corals, and the beauties of the ocean for generations to come! Humuhumunukunukuapua'a or Bob as we like to say it....the state fish of Hawaii! In the real meat and scale! Snorkeling in Waikiki. :DMr. Puffer fish, also found while snorkeling...fun was had by all! :DAngel fish, or Scar (from Nemo) as we call 'em. These are my favorite fishes! :D

That's all folks! Lots of love to my friends and families! Come visit :D I love company and the memories made are more precious than gold and silver. <3

Gandhi's right again...

"When I despair, I remember that all through history the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it-always."
-Mahatma Gandhi

Gandhi has always been one of my idols, someone I aspire to be like...but will probably fall short of. This man had immense amounts of patience and courage, and he never faltered in his stance of non-violence to change the injustices around him. I admire that, and look up to it.

Patience and courage...two qualities I'd like to think I possess. Frustrations bring out the worst in me. When I notice injustices they eat away at me because I don't know what to do, or how to go about changing them. It's frustrating and infuriating. I am not like Gandhi, I don't know how to stand up and fight for justice. I am the nurse, coming up behind a tyrant and nursing the wounds created by bad. That too takes patience and courage, but sometimes it doesn't feel like enough...

I just have to remember injustice is 'fought' when many paths join together. Nonviolence, the foundation supported by-patience, courage, faith, and unconditional love. No matter how small the injustice, the tyrant will fall. As they say "Karma is a b*&%h".

Monday Morning Bliss

This morning I went swimming. It took some motivation to get my butt out of the warm bed and out to the cold ocean, but boy am I glad I did! During my last lap a huge school of fish swam from behind me. It scared me at first then as they swam around me, made room for me, as I swam forward it was just inspiring. Watching their bodies fold in the light, sending shimmers all around as they move as one being. Just inspiring, no other words can describe it.

Made for a most excellent morning, which usually lend themselves to excellent days. A wonderful start to a what promises to be a wonderful week. My family is coming to visit later this week for 5 days. It will be wonderful to see them again. I am very excited!! :D

Cheers to wonderful weeks for all my friends and family! Love and miss you all!

Doozo Yoroshiku

Today has been wonderfully spent; mini shopping sprees are the best therapy! (Granted you have money...just got my first paycheck baby!..Don't worry daddy I spent only the extra.) It was a fun filledSaturday after a busy week of working.

The most exciting part of today is that I bought material to begin learning Japanese. I chose Japanese because it is an often used language on the island, and not many people at work speak it. So, it will come in handy there as well! My wonderful Japanese roommate(from my last year in college) has given me some tips, and is sending me some toys(what better way to learn than with children's toys, I love playing :D ). I have begun my journey of attempting to learn a new language. I will be studying little bits every day (something useful for the bus rides :D) and will become conversational by May. So, as I said "Doozo Yoroshiku" Japanese! Hopefully we can be friends :D

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

I just finished reading Tuesdays with Morrie. It was phenomenal. A moving story that brings what is really important in life to light. A good refresher course on how to live. I highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone.

Since early January I have been keeping busy with my new job. I love my job and feel very lucky that I could find one, let alone one that fits me this well. I don't get to spend as much time with my hunny, but it makes me cherish the time we do get together. It is all coming together the way it is meant to. It's refreshing.

Reading Tuesdays with Morrie has helped me put things back into perspective through all the hustle and bustle of my new life here, and I am thankful. Life is beautiful...

Happy Birthday Martin!

Happy Birthday Martin Luther King Jr.!



Here are some of my favorite quotes from MLKJ, along with my thoughts...enjoy.



"I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character"

• I like this one because it reminds me of where we have been, however it is also a reminder of what we've yet to do. Few people continue to judge by the color of skin, but judgement still remains. Sadly, prejudice is still a very real and very prominent problem in our world today.

" Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence by also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him."

• I love this quote because I often find this concept to be difficult. It is so much easier for me to just refuse to like 'the other opinion', to ignore their points(no matter how logical they seem) because it came out of their opinions-that does nothing to diffuse the situation. It only feeds the fire of fighting and misunderstanding. If I learn to respect their opinions(even if I don't agree) it is more likely to bring peace to myself, which must happen in order for me to feel like I can help the peace of the world on a broader sense.

And my top three:

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

• This one speaks to my heart because it's true, it just is! Often times when our friends stick up for us that is what we remember and it makes the friendship stronger. It is also a reminder for me to stop being a chicken, and to speak out if I find something offensive. Silence is not golden, and ignorance is not bliss.

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

• Again a (not so subtle) reminder of what my heroes (Lincoln, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr) gave up and 'fought for' no matter the cost. All three of these gentlemen were assassinated for their courage to stand up for what they believed was right. Remembering that makes 'a fear of loosing friendships, or appearing foolish' seem small, and pretty much irrelevant.
  

"We may have all come on different ships, but we're in the same boat now."

• This is my all-time favorite! (and something everyone should remember) We did all come from different ships, some families are brand new to this country and some are most definitely not-either way we are all in this together. So maybe we should stop bickering, attempt to respect each others opinions(and hopefully, eventually, actually respect each others opinions), and work together as one big team to bring about change that will help the country and the people. This will not happen overnight, but I believe it can happen-this is my dream.

"You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result" -Mahatma Gandhi

This morning I read an article. (Here is a link if anyone is interested http://www.sltrib.com/opinion/ci_14181184?source=email#top ) It is a wonderfully written article, and is also one that hit close to home. What I find most inspiring, besides the author's strength and desire to turn his life around, is the impact of one police officer's compassion on his turn around. This one person who took time to talk with and council him so impacted his life that he could do what he has done to climb up to where he is now. This is the type of person I want to be.

Not only do I want to be the compassionate person who can do what Deputy Josie Fox did, be an everyday individual who can make a difference (no matter how small) by just reaching out a loving hand and a listening ear. I also want to be on the other end. I want to be the one who has the courage to do what needs to be done, regardless of the hurtles that loom up ahead. Russell you inspire me and I love you bunches.

Stories like these remind me that its worth it, and give me hope.

Inspirations from Avatar

Last night I saw Avatar in 3D. Spectacular! It was the first movie Scott and I had been to since moving to Hawaii, and it was amazing! The plot, special effects, characters...it was all just spectacular. I highly recommend it.

One of my favorite quotes is "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away" -Anonymous Avatar reminded me of this quote because when Jake first tries out his new digs he shows all the enthusiasm of an awestruck child. Children can see the world at the most basic level and enjoy it all. I don't want to go back to childhood, just back to being a child. This new year I am going to try and 'stop to smell the roses' and enjoy the paradise around me, even if my job gets stressful, or the apartment is messy, etc... There is beauty all around, I just have to remember to enjoy it instead of rushing past in my hustle to do 'the important stuff'.

One breath taking hike with my baby

Kuliou'ou Ridge Trail in Aina Hina, Oahu

Last Monday I officially started work! This past week has been a blur of paperwork, meetings, trainings, more paperwork all topped off with some patient visits. It was wonderful!

Starting out on my journey as a Hospice nurse is very exciting. I feel that it is right where I belong. Hospice offers all that I ever wanted out of nursing; compassion, listening, being present for the patient and family, and best of all it's okay to cry on the job. (Perfect for me, or what?!) Along with the hands-on knowledge and skill needed to be a nurse, hospice allows me to do the heart-on aspect of nursing too!

Thanks to all my friends, family, mentors, and heroes you know who you are and I am who I am today because of each and every one of you. All my love...

Lessons from the Duke

Duke Kahanamoku, the father of longboard surfing in Waikiki... What a great man.

Recently I have taken up surfing, and am in love. Scott and I got boards for Christmas and on Christmas morning we went surfing with our buddies out by Diamond Head (Leahi). It was beautiful. Sunrise coming over the clouds, and a rainbow framing Diamond Head and the lighthouse below. Perfect, peaceful, and inspiring...

Thinking back moving from Utah to Hawaii and all the adventures in between has been like my surfing story. My first time surfing I borrowed a 'beater board' from a friend, we went out and I caught a wave ( pretty easy to do on a 10 foot board) Well, let me tell you the beach boys were on to something when they said "Catch a wave and you're sittin' on top of the world". It was a rush. Then after I got my own board (a 7 footer) it was frustrating. I couldn't catch a wave, I felt weak, and I couldn't stand up. Christmas day changed that. Well, I still can't stand up, but I am getting better. My surfing muscles don't hurt as much and I don't get rocked quite as hard (or at least not as often), but it doesn't matter because being out on the ocean is a rush enough.

That is how the move was. Exciting! Spreading my wings with the man I love, taking flight to a wonderful adventure. Then frustrating with all the rejections for employment, and the perception of a smaller support circle than I was used to. Christmas day changed my perspective on that too. Now, life is perfect. Its not always ideal, but it's perfect the way it is. Things fall into place when they are meant to, to teach us important lessons and create us into better humans. It still gets rough, but I've come to realize my circle isn't so small as I viewed it. My troubles are as big I make them. And always I am loved by people near and far and by the world that holds us in her arms.

Mother earth is big, but we are all connected. We have to take care of each other. Taking care to not run each other over during the hustle and bustle of life. Taking care to encourage those around you. Taking care to give and not always take. But most importantly taking care to love, and find good in everything. Everything has a purpose and a time to reveal, we just have to wait.

island haven

Finally after 4 months my new island home is feeling like, well a home. The move was exciting, then stressful, and now the dust is settling. A job has fallen into my lap, we have a good apartment, and a circle of support that is growning. My island home is feeling more and more like a haven as opposed to the unknown that it used to be. Life is good :D