Grrrrr...when in doubt, growl it out!

Most nights I climb into bed, snuggle down,  and fall fast asleep (at least for a few hours-until James  rings the dinner bell). However, some nights I climb into bed, snuggle down, and BOOM thoughts of inadequacy, fear, and hopelessness slam into my mind and I am thrown into an anxiety storm of supreme proportions. (Okay maybe a little poetic flair, but the essence rings true)

Most days I rise from my bed to play, laugh, and grow with my children. I love life and all it's blessed mystery, and all is well in the world (excepting the inevitable temper tantrums that come with the toddler territory). However some days I drag myself out of bed, and heavily proceed with life whose blessings escape me through the fog that clouds my heart and mind. 

Let me clarify I have postpartum anxiety and depression. I have fears and feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy...that sometimes rule my world. And I am tired of it...I'm taking back my life. Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" and I am sick of my depression making me feel small and insignificant. But the first step to my recovery (in my opinion) is sharing this experience...I'm shedding my mask that I have so carefully kept in place probably, honestly, since November/December of 2014...

I thought if I kept the mask in place, that if I could fool everyone around me, then I could fool myself. Ultimately that distance created, that veil of separation, made me feel more isolated. Instead of helping it hurt...so it's time to take off the mask.

So, here is the truth...
I have postpartum depression and anxiety. I am a mother, wife, nurse, and woman...I am not perfect, nor do I want to be. I can feel joy and pain, can laugh, cry and smile through the depression and anxiety. I am shedding the mask and letting my light shine through, no matter how dim it seems some days...I can and I will become one with my whole beautiful self once again.