Winter Whirlwind

I sit in the light of my tree and Christmas lights this Christmas Eve morning thinking back on the month's events. What a whirlwind! Christmas has always been one of my favorite times of the year, a very close second to Thanksgiving and Autumn, and I feel as though a part of the magic was lost, to no ones fault but mine own,  in the hustle and bustle of my focus on stresses and plans. I have not been the most patient woman, but this changes today. Today, tomorrow, and hopefully most days after I choose to find the sliver  lining around my clouds, because when I stop to look at the lining the clouds don't look so big after all...I have so much to be grateful for, and my blessings far outweigh any challenge or obstacle thrown my way. See!

My two mischievous elves enjoyed all the play time with
Aunties who came to help Scott while I worked.
 

My beautiful sister-in-law is expecting in February. 

And my other beautiful sister-in-law gave birth to a precious little girl! I am an Auntie everybody!!! 

As some of you know Scott broke his ankle on Thanksgiving and required surgery. This was quite a challenge during this time of year- particularly while I am 6 months pregnant, we have two (very active) toddlers, and planning a move...for as most of you don't know our little family will be relocating to Cheyenne, WY to be closer to my Grandma. A stressful time to be sure, and I have been worn thin working, and doing house duties. However, I have had enough of the poor me attitude and I now choose to be thankful for the overwhelming sense of gratitude for all my family does have- mostly the support and love of family and friends, which we never could have done without these past few weeks! How rich we truly are!

My hubby's bionic post surgery
ankle...

Getting pre-surgery snuggles by the tree

Ren provided cookies for Pops post surgery treat. 

Abby provided comic relief when the pain medication
didn't kick in right away...

This past month has been filled with a multitude of blessings to balance out the stresses...all I have to do is realize it...or as my pal Dumbledore says "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light".  Merry Christmas Eve to all my friends and family, may your light stay on-stay bright- all the year through....

Smile

"Peace begins with a smile" 

- Mother Teresa 

This morning I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I was feeling grumpy for no reason, annoyed at the silliest things...I knew I was being silly, but I just couldn't help it. Then I got this little reminder from my tea bag, while I was stomping around the kitchen...

Smile...sounds simple, and honestly the "irony" of it did make me smile(reluctantly)...then I started to think. Why the hell am I so grumpy?

I saw an absolutely amazingly beautiful sunrise, laying in bed in the peace and quiet..that was the problem. Or I should say MY attitude problem...I was laying there enjoying the quiet sunrise and Ren with all his energy and joy for life comes sprinting in. I wasn't ready to put on my Momma hat. I just wasn't ready. I missed getting up "hatless" and meditating or doing tai chi, writing in my journal sipping tea or coffee before I needed to put on any hats and start the day. 

Well, tough tooties Momma, that ship has sailed (or at least most mornings...) so I tried to smile from the heart. Slowly turning the grumpies into gratitudes...because like Mother Teresa said "Peace starts with a smile". 

I am grateful for my "hats" and I will be at peace with not getting to choose the hat I want when I want, after all life is still good...

Re-embracing my Rainbows

Each day is a blessing-not a burden a choice-not a chore

And each day is beautiful.

I have come to the realization, again (funny how life keeps reminding you), that...right now, life is perfect. It may not be what I expected, what I had planned...but it's part of the bigger plan. And I'm okay with that. 

I may not have a clean house, or fancy things. Hell most days I'm lucky if the things I do have don't have food spilled or body fluids smeared on them. I may not have a lot of money, but money can't buy everything...and we have enough to keep us safe, happy, and full.

Plus...

I do have a wonderful husband who loves, and even more precious, cherishes me. Not to mention the amazing father he is. I have two beautiful, happy, healthy, and sometimes almost too smart for their parent's own sanity children, and I have a healthy child growing inside me. I have gratitude in my heart and a song in my soul. And that you can take to the bank! (and the grave...)

I was singing the other night to Abby before bedtime, "The Dream Song" as we call it from Cinderella. I got to the part about "Have faith in your dreams, and someday...Your rainbow will come shining through.." and I realized as my daughter was 'singing' (its adorable, really) with me I have my rainbows. I still have my dreams, aspirations, and goals for the future. But I am a damn lucky woman to know my rainbows have shone through. 

Through all the storms and clouds of worry and doubt my rainbows shine through to shower me in light and color, encouraging-almost daring me- to dance in the rain...

If the shoe fits...

...You don't always have to wear it. 

 I am 50 days into my 100 days of happiness challenge...half way through to an improved outlook on life! I find am doing better at accepting and embracing my emotions. Finding happiness every day, in the extraordinary and the ordinary.The problem you ask? I have been embracing ALL of them, and I have noticed that some of my emotions are SO not worth embracing. 

The self-doubt and negative self talk should not be embraced as easily as the positive and loving emotions. However, ignoring them is just as harmful as feeding them. When ignored they are like weeds, that slowly take over slowly until they are hard to get a handle on. 

 There is nothing wrong with having these thoughts, they are a natural part of the human process. Acknowledge them and let them go, don't embrace...Don't feed or ignore the weeds of your mind. They are  like a pair of shoes shoved in the back of your closet. It's okay to pull it out put it on, so long as you don't wear it...take it off and toss towards the back again...this is my goal for the next quarter of the challenge..

I am Naishipai.

"Each Day is a choice, not a chore...Each sunrise I witness a blessing, not a burden..." 

I started doing the #100HappyDays Challenge (here is their website: http://100happydays.com/) on June 8th. Today is Day 25, I am a quarter of the way through it and I have learned some very important lessons...or rather have understood lessons already taught that I was not brave enough to put into practice. 

Now I am, or rather now I am willing to try...

Looking through #MyHappy100 so far I've noticed a pattern, almost all of my posts are of my family or of a time where I've taken care to spend time on me. A powerful realization. Too often I putt others needs before my own. Some days putting my "happy mask" on so others will not know I'm tired, or need some TLC. No one can be happy all the time...so why do I try!?!? 

As I continue my 100 Days of Happiness challenge I have added another level. I will embrace all of me-happy, sad, angry, bitchy- I am who I am and I love me. I will honor my emotions, my time, and my needs. 

My happiness is important. My happiness shines through to affect my children, my family, my friends, the world around me. My Maasai name is NAISHIPAI- meaning the happy one, and I now intend to live up to it fully...it's time to throw away the mask. 

It is with this new frame of mind I have decided to "clean off my plate"...one item at a time until I feel that I can balance my needs with my family's, while allowing myself to focus time towards my goals, hopes, and dreams. Not an easy feat, especially since I hate disappointing people-including myself, but I'm up for the challenge...

I am happy, I am Naishipai.

I choose...Happiness, Gratitude, Love.

The blessing, burning, and naming ceremony

Confessions of a Mother

It's Mothers Day weekend, and I'm positive that the Internet will be inundated with messages of love and gratitude to Mother's everywhere. Messages telling Mommy's they should be proud of their "ruined" bodies from pregnancy and breast feeding because you were strong enough to carry life and bring it into the world. How the destruction of their once at least semi-clean house is nothing in comparison to the little fingerprints on your heart, or that the mountains and mountains of laundry are minuscule compared to the mountains you would climb for your children, no matter how old, or how young.

Now, all of these messages are true. (Definitely true!) I'm not trying to sell short the emotional sentiments of honoring motherhood. Becoming a Mother has been one of the best things to happen to me. I'm just saying there is a whole lot of stuff that they don't tell you about Motherhood...

It. Is. Hard. End of story...
It's hard feeling guilty about having healthy children of your own while you help friends grieve the loss of a pregnancy or child. It's hard trying to love your body again beyond the stretch marks and scarred nipples.(And where the hell did all those gray hairs come from!) It's hard laying in bed with a war waging inside you between wanting to go to your (for the tenth time tonight) crying child and just wanting to go to sleep, for the love of Pete! It's hard to continue loving this little creature rolling on the floor in a mad tantrum in the grocery store isle. (Is this really my child?!?)  It's hard waking up from dreams and wondering if you are doing right by your children, or if you are just creating a breeding ground for "Mommy issues" in your future grown up child.

It.Is. Hard. And these confessions are just the tip of the iceberg.
But let me tell you...It. Is. Okay.
It's okay to resent your partner because you have to get up, again, to feed the baby. It's okay to want to pull your hair out and just dream of peeing by yourself. It's okay to close the door and count to ten. It's okay, and VERY VERY necessary to take time just for mommy.

It. Is. Hard. And It. Is. Okay. But you are not alone...there are mothers everywhere who at some point in time have, will, or do feel the exact same way as you. So, this Mother's Day raise your glass! Toast yourself, your mother, your mentors, your friends, and(why not) your children! You are a woman, you are a mother, and you deserve all the love, gratitude and appreciation this weekend! (Even if sometimes you don't feel like you deserve it)
 After all the best thing you can give your children is Love.
Love for YOURSELF, love for your children, and love for the world.

Happy Mothers Day!

Precious Moments

Ren with Abby a few days after Abby was born.

In their new wagon! Abby is 1, Ren is almost 3.

Scott and I on our wedding day...

Spending the night in my Maasai Village

Graduating from Nursing School, 2009. BSN Baby! 

Snuggle time with Grandpa...I miss him everyday...

Co-founding a non-profit and following my dreams. 

"It's not the years in your life that count, its the life in your years!" At least that is what the stamp told me that I found last night when I (finally!) organized my crafting supplies...and tonight after a wonderful day spent celebrating my baby turning one. (I can't believe it!)  I sit reading (I should say re-reading) The Bride Quartet by Nora Roberts. The first book in the series emphasizes moments. Moments in life to be captured, to be remembered, to learn from, and to grow from...life is full of moments..

Too much lately I've let moments escape me, too hurried with tasks to enjoy the smiles and laughter of my children, to stressed to embrace my husband, to overwhelmed to remember that those around me may be overwhelmed to and maybe we all just need a hug...(Hugs make the world go round in my opinion...) 

Maybe I'm just emotional today (or maybe that's every day, but who is keeping track...) but I'm thankful for the moments in my life...the good, the bad, and the ugly. To grow and learn, I'm traveling through life and I hope to Heaven when I'm laying in my death bed I can look back at my life, at my string of moments, and smile...

Lessons from Lyrics

Just in the last few weeks my son, Ren, has changed the songs he asks for at night...and his choices have definitely given me something to think about...

First song he always asks for is Bobby McFerrin's "Don't worry, Be happy". Always a good lesson, and most people could use a reminding every now and then.  I definitely need a constant reminder to worry less, play more. Luckily I have that in my kids.
Tonight I pledge to try and worry less...

The next song he asks for is "Let It Go" from Disney's Frozen. To me this song is a reminder to basically..let it go...stop trying to be something I'm not, stop trying to please everybody, just stop. Let it go, be true to yourself and your soul...
Tonight I pledge to try and be more true to my inner self...

The next song is "A Dream is a Wish your Heart Makes" from Cinderella. A pleasant reminder to follow your dreams, follow where they take you, and trust that you can make your dreams come true...
Tonight I pledge to try and follow my dreams...

Well, I have decided to pledge a lot, but notice I used the word try...I can try. I will try. I might stumble and stutter along the way, but I will get up and try again..plus I have two cuties to cheer me on. My favorite quote has always been from Mahatma Gandhi "Be the change you wish to see in the world". It has always called to me...tonight I know why. I want to see a world with less worry and more joy. I want to see a world where people can be true to themselves without fear of ridicule or judgement. I want to see a world where my children can follow their dreams, because they believe. I can be the change, but as Michael put it..I'm startin' with the man in the mirror...I am going to be that change. I may not be able to change THE world, but I sure as hell can change MY world.

Thanks Ren...you and Abby are my biggest teachers. Teach on little ones, teach on...I hope I teach you well