I am Naishipai.

"Each Day is a choice, not a chore...Each sunrise I witness a blessing, not a burden..." 

I started doing the #100HappyDays Challenge (here is their website: http://100happydays.com/) on June 8th. Today is Day 25, I am a quarter of the way through it and I have learned some very important lessons...or rather have understood lessons already taught that I was not brave enough to put into practice. 

Now I am, or rather now I am willing to try...

Looking through #MyHappy100 so far I've noticed a pattern, almost all of my posts are of my family or of a time where I've taken care to spend time on me. A powerful realization. Too often I putt others needs before my own. Some days putting my "happy mask" on so others will not know I'm tired, or need some TLC. No one can be happy all the time...so why do I try!?!? 

As I continue my 100 Days of Happiness challenge I have added another level. I will embrace all of me-happy, sad, angry, bitchy- I am who I am and I love me. I will honor my emotions, my time, and my needs. 

My happiness is important. My happiness shines through to affect my children, my family, my friends, the world around me. My Maasai name is NAISHIPAI- meaning the happy one, and I now intend to live up to it fully...it's time to throw away the mask. 

It is with this new frame of mind I have decided to "clean off my plate"...one item at a time until I feel that I can balance my needs with my family's, while allowing myself to focus time towards my goals, hopes, and dreams. Not an easy feat, especially since I hate disappointing people-including myself, but I'm up for the challenge...

I am happy, I am Naishipai.

I choose...Happiness, Gratitude, Love.

The blessing, burning, and naming ceremony

Confessions of a Mother

It's Mothers Day weekend, and I'm positive that the Internet will be inundated with messages of love and gratitude to Mother's everywhere. Messages telling Mommy's they should be proud of their "ruined" bodies from pregnancy and breast feeding because you were strong enough to carry life and bring it into the world. How the destruction of their once at least semi-clean house is nothing in comparison to the little fingerprints on your heart, or that the mountains and mountains of laundry are minuscule compared to the mountains you would climb for your children, no matter how old, or how young.

Now, all of these messages are true. (Definitely true!) I'm not trying to sell short the emotional sentiments of honoring motherhood. Becoming a Mother has been one of the best things to happen to me. I'm just saying there is a whole lot of stuff that they don't tell you about Motherhood...

It. Is. Hard. End of story...
It's hard feeling guilty about having healthy children of your own while you help friends grieve the loss of a pregnancy or child. It's hard trying to love your body again beyond the stretch marks and scarred nipples.(And where the hell did all those gray hairs come from!) It's hard laying in bed with a war waging inside you between wanting to go to your (for the tenth time tonight) crying child and just wanting to go to sleep, for the love of Pete! It's hard to continue loving this little creature rolling on the floor in a mad tantrum in the grocery store isle. (Is this really my child?!?)  It's hard waking up from dreams and wondering if you are doing right by your children, or if you are just creating a breeding ground for "Mommy issues" in your future grown up child.

It.Is. Hard. And these confessions are just the tip of the iceberg.
But let me tell you...It. Is. Okay.
It's okay to resent your partner because you have to get up, again, to feed the baby. It's okay to want to pull your hair out and just dream of peeing by yourself. It's okay to close the door and count to ten. It's okay, and VERY VERY necessary to take time just for mommy.

It. Is. Hard. And It. Is. Okay. But you are not alone...there are mothers everywhere who at some point in time have, will, or do feel the exact same way as you. So, this Mother's Day raise your glass! Toast yourself, your mother, your mentors, your friends, and(why not) your children! You are a woman, you are a mother, and you deserve all the love, gratitude and appreciation this weekend! (Even if sometimes you don't feel like you deserve it)
 After all the best thing you can give your children is Love.
Love for YOURSELF, love for your children, and love for the world.

Happy Mothers Day!