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Friday, May 9, 2014

Confessions of a Mother

It's Mothers Day weekend, and I'm positive that the Internet will be inundated with messages of love and gratitude to Mother's everywhere. Messages telling Mommy's they should be proud of their "ruined" bodies from pregnancy and breast feeding because you were strong enough to carry life and bring it into the world. How the destruction of their once at least semi-clean house is nothing in comparison to the little fingerprints on your heart, or that the mountains and mountains of laundry are minuscule compared to the mountains you would climb for your children, no matter how old, or how young.

Now, all of these messages are true. (Definitely true!) I'm not trying to sell short the emotional sentiments of honoring motherhood. Becoming a Mother has been one of the best things to happen to me. I'm just saying there is a whole lot of stuff that they don't tell you about Motherhood...

It. Is. Hard. End of story...
It's hard feeling guilty about having healthy children of your own while you help friends grieve the loss of a pregnancy or child. It's hard trying to love your body again beyond the stretch marks and scarred nipples.(And where the hell did all those gray hairs come from!) It's hard laying in bed with a war waging inside you between wanting to go to your (for the tenth time tonight) crying child and just wanting to go to sleep, for the love of Pete! It's hard to continue loving this little creature rolling on the floor in a mad tantrum in the grocery store isle. (Is this really my child?!?)  It's hard waking up from dreams and wondering if you are doing right by your children, or if you are just creating a breeding ground for "Mommy issues" in your future grown up child.

It.Is. Hard. And these confessions are just the tip of the iceberg.
But let me tell you...It. Is. Okay.
It's okay to resent your partner because you have to get up, again, to feed the baby. It's okay to want to pull your hair out and just dream of peeing by yourself. It's okay to close the door and count to ten. It's okay, and VERY VERY necessary to take time just for mommy.

It. Is. Hard. And It. Is. Okay. But you are not alone...there are mothers everywhere who at some point in time have, will, or do feel the exact same way as you. So, this Mother's Day raise your glass! Toast yourself, your mother, your mentors, your friends, and(why not) your children! You are a woman, you are a mother, and you deserve all the love, gratitude and appreciation this weekend! (Even if sometimes you don't feel like you deserve it)
 After all the best thing you can give your children is Love.
Love for YOURSELF, love for your children, and love for the world.

Happy Mothers Day!


Saturday, March 1, 2014

Precious Moments


Ren with Abby a few days after Abby was born.
In their new wagon! Abby is 1, Ren is almost 3.

Scott and I on our wedding day...
Spending the night in my Maasai Village

Graduating from Nursing School, 2009. BSN Baby! 

Snuggle time with Grandpa...I miss him everyday...

Co-founding a non-profit and following my dreams. 

"It's not the years in your life that count, its the life in your years!" At least that is what the stamp told me that I found last night when I (finally!) organized my crafting supplies...and tonight after a wonderful day spent celebrating my baby turning one. (I can't believe it!)  I sit reading (I should say re-reading) The Bride Quartet by Nora Roberts. The first book in the series emphasizes moments. Moments in life to be captured, to be remembered, to learn from, and to grow from...life is full of moments..

Too much lately I've let moments escape me, too hurried with tasks to enjoy the smiles and laughter of my children, to stressed to embrace my husband, to overwhelmed to remember that those around me may be overwhelmed to and maybe we all just need a hug...(Hugs make the world go round in my opinion...) 

Maybe I'm just emotional today (or maybe that's every day, but who is keeping track...) but I'm thankful for the moments in my life...the good, the bad, and the ugly. To grow and learn, I'm traveling through life and I hope to Heaven when I'm laying in my death bed I can look back at my life, at my string of moments, and smile...